When the lights come on... they scatter

I had written an account of my real life experience at the clinic as you can see from the previous posts... I tried to take as much gore out as possible while keeping my experience honest. I had no idea that so many people I know IRL would be so hateful to me in return. The same people who visited me while I was in labor (which I found a bit.... um... uncomfortable) and told me to make sure I had water out to baptize the baby when he came ( I found this ... offensive) were now shunning me for speaking up about what I witnessed that horrible day. Somewhere my message was morphed from "support our fellow women and BE THERE for the ones who feel like they have no options" to some kind of crazy mean diatribe against single moms. ( I was a single mom for 7 years) The rumors have spanned from general banal drama seeking lies to proclaiming I am an athiest who disrupted one of BRL's classes to berate him. CRAZY! I was so hurt and angry that I wrote a letter to everyone... I didn't send it to the people who were behind the ugliness mind you... but will post it here.

Dear Loved Ones,

You know me well. Most of have known and loved me
through the many awkward steps it took to get me
where I am today. And although this summer has been an
experience I wouldn't wish on anyone, we, as a family,
have made it through by fully accepting and honestly
acknowledging that God is carrying us safely in His
hands. If a relative stranger heard me say that, they
might think "how sweet" or "well, duh" but would not
or could not truly get the miracle they had just
witnessed. This control freak, this Jamie-on-the-spot
when someone needs something, has embraced fully the
truth that in order to live life in The Way, I have to
toss out my earthly compass.

This Friday, I had a relatively pain free morning and
we decided to take the kids on an outing. It was a
much needed and awaited victory of sorts. I walked
slowly and rested often and yes, may have overdone it
a bit, but it was GOOD! When we returned home, and
after a pretty abrupt and hateful phone call with
someone we considered a friend, we realized that
something was very much not right on BRL's campus.
This school... the academics are well above par and
BRL loves his class discussion. The social aspect of
this school is vile. Vile, I think, is the best word
to describe it. The email you all received about my
progress may have been the source of whatever hateful
words are being spread. It could be anything. BRL
and I have no idea what has transpired and may never
know. Here is what I do know:

1) I know that God is carrying me and I would not
survive the grief and physical pain that has been
trying its best to consume my life if I wasn't in His
care. I know that if I followed my desire to know what
I am accused of and set the slanderers right (as
earthly and common as it is) I would have to step down
from this safe place God has made for us and that is
something I simply refuse to do.

2) King David was in exile because his son Absalom had
turned against him. Psalm 55 affords us some trenchant
insight into David's fear, his anger, his grief, and
the alternative responses with which he wrestled.
David first contemplates flight writing: "'Oh that I
had the wings of a dove! I would fly away and be at
rest—I would flee far away and stay in the desert; I
would hurry to my place of shelter far from the
tempest and the storm.'" (vv. 6-8). In the next
verses, however, he entertains notions of a fight with
God as the avenger: "Confuse the wicked, O Lord,
confound their speech, for I see violence and strife
in the city … Let death take my enemies by surprise;
let them go down alive to the grave, for evil finds
lodging among them." (vv. 9, 15). Finally, though,
David reconciles himself to the most appropriate
starting point whenever confronting unfair treatment:
trust in God and confidence that He is at work. He
writes in verses 16, 17 and 22: "But I call to God and
the Lord saves me. Evening, morning and noon, I cry
out in distress and he hears my voice … Cast your
cares on the Lord and He will sustain you; He will
never let the righteous fall."

I asked my dearest friend today if feeling that I
should remain in the healing sustaining arms of Our
Father, instead of confronting these untruths or
rumors whatever they may be, made me crazy or at
minimum socially lazy. She directed me to the book of
Romans. Its such a overlooked miracle... how words
brought forth centuries ago were written for today,
tomorrow and forever more. What an awesome God we
have! And I thank Him everyday for all of you.

The scripture she pointed me to is:
Romans 12:2
Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this
world, but be transformed by the renewing of your
mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what
God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.


In the young and wonderful way that Abby ends all of
her prayers... Yay God!

Love and Blessings to you all,
CeCe